Friends, I've thought about this issue and rethought about it and then thought about it some more. Just trying to figure out what is really bothering me and why.
I'm still trying to figure this out, but I'm going to give you a couple of scenarios.
Scenario #1: The For-Profit World
I work for a flooring company (it's a family business). Seeing that I've never worked in an industry like this before, I've had to learn lots and learn it quickly. Much to my chagrin, looks make a difference. I cannot tell you how many times I gotten short or curt reactions from clients/customers via email. Sometimes, there are even downright rude messages. That is, until they meet me. All of a sudden, they're surprised by what I look like and they're noticeably nicer to me afterwards.
Now, being the analytical person that I am, I shrugged it off the first couple of times as mere coincidence. But it has happened enough times now, where businessmen shake my hand look me up and down and smile-- pleasantly surprised that I'm the bitch behind the keyboard.
Here's my problem with that: I'm not actually a bitch behind the keyboard, but even if I was... whatever my physical appearance is should not impact how you treat a human being. Period.
Scenario #2: The Non-Profit World
I recently had a meeting at my other job, which as you know, is in the non-profit sector. Largely, this industry is dominated by single 20-something females. The meeting I was at yesterday was with a 20-something male that our organization is interested in partnering with. Was he good-looking? Yes, which I noted (it's like noticing how blue and beautiful the sky is that day) and then moved on, not really thinking much about it. At least not until, women kept making comments about how good-looking he was. It really took me aback. Did his good looks make me want to work with him any more or less? Absolutely not. I'm more interested in if he can get the job done. Why? Because I'm here to work and to get a job done.
Here's my problem with this: A female colleague suggested that we could use his good looks to our advantage for our project. A handsome face amongst a sea of young ladies could do much to persuade them to get on board with us. Even the suggestion of something like that seems incredibly cheap and very uncomfortable.
Scenario #2 reminds me of my days working at Disneyland when a straight guy would hire in. A straight man in an entertainment department was like seeing a unicorn. They are so few and far between. The instantaneous rivalry that began amongst the females was legitimately appalling.
Here's my thing on that. Competition in that arena is immediately off-putting to me. You want to date him? Go ahead. You won't see me fighting to cast my name in there. If a guy is interested in dating a particular girl, that's great but there's no need for there to be fawning and lots of blinking and such, especially when we're trying to work. If you've seen "He's Just Not That Into You," you know what I mean. And if you haven't, I recommend watching it and taking notes.
All of this to say, I understand that attraction is natural and it happens, but I think it's important that we don't let our work get convoluted with it. And it makes me sad that people aren't just nice to be people, merely because they are human beings. Because as we all know, people matter.
I think our culture has gotten a little out of hand with its obsession with beauty. On one hand, I understand that it is what it is, but on the other hand, I just feel like there should be people out there saying how crazy and out of control it is sometimes.
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting. I remind myself that all of the time. So much of our time is spent on temporary things, rather than on the things that really last like love, truth, and justice.
Again, I'm still trying to figure how to navigate the waters in both the for-profit and non-profit worlds. But I will say this, I hope that my legacy is built upon more than just being a pretty face.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Friday, February 7, 2014
Things That Make Delia Want to Hit Her Face on the Steering Wheel While Driving...
Now, that you're here: This might not be what you expected. There's a plethora of articles/blog posts about driving etiquette. Don't be fooled. This is not one of those...
As I was driving home from work today, I was channel surfing on the radio and I unknowingly stumbled upon "Focus on the Family." That should have been my first clue.
But, no.
I proceeded to listen for the next five minutes while two deejays were lamenting to a "school whisperer" about how their kids "just don't like school." Can we pause for a second? A "school whisperer?" What kind of country are we that we require a "school whisperer?"
Insert: things that make Delia want to hit her face on the steering wheel while driving.
We live in a country where public education is fuh-ree. Free! No minimum for books. No requirement for school uniforms. Kids who come from low-income families can qualify for free lunch. Free.
*Freeeeee.*
Meanwhile, there are kids in other countries *clamoring* for the opportunity to go to school. To have the necessary fees to attend school. To have the required uniforms to wear to school. To have basic school supplies such as pencils and paper. Girls are often denied the right to go to school alongside their brothers. Kids who walk *miles* to go to school. Girls who are shot (in the face, I might add) because they advocate for the right to go to school.
School.
Kids who just *want* to go to school. Because education and literacy can't be taken away once it's been imparted. Because education sets people free.
Free.
America, land of the free and home of the brave, let us never forget that "education is the key to the golden door of freedom."
As I was driving home from work today, I was channel surfing on the radio and I unknowingly stumbled upon "Focus on the Family." That should have been my first clue.
But, no.
I proceeded to listen for the next five minutes while two deejays were lamenting to a "school whisperer" about how their kids "just don't like school." Can we pause for a second? A "school whisperer?" What kind of country are we that we require a "school whisperer?"
Insert: things that make Delia want to hit her face on the steering wheel while driving.
We live in a country where public education is fuh-ree. Free! No minimum for books. No requirement for school uniforms. Kids who come from low-income families can qualify for free lunch. Free.
*Freeeeee.*
Meanwhile, there are kids in other countries *clamoring* for the opportunity to go to school. To have the necessary fees to attend school. To have the required uniforms to wear to school. To have basic school supplies such as pencils and paper. Girls are often denied the right to go to school alongside their brothers. Kids who walk *miles* to go to school. Girls who are shot (in the face, I might add) because they advocate for the right to go to school.
School.
Kids who just *want* to go to school. Because education and literacy can't be taken away once it's been imparted. Because education sets people free.
Free.
America, land of the free and home of the brave, let us never forget that "education is the key to the golden door of freedom."
Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/n/nelsonmand157855.html#4GCPiCwVvzad3yZD.99
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/n/nelsonmand157855.html#4GCPiCwVvzad3yZD.99
Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_education.html#Yj2kgVkVZUO6eIk3.99
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_education.html#Yj2kgVkVZUO6eIk3.99
Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_education.html#Yj2kgVkVZUO6eIk3.99
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_education.html#Yj2kgVkVZUO6eIk3.99
Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_education.html#Yj2kgVkVZUO6eIk3.9
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_education.html#Yj2kgVkVZUO6eIk3.9
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Year 26
Leading up to my birthday every year, I tend to get contemplative. I like to reflect on the last year's birthday and what has changed since then. You know, the highs, the lows, the wins, the losses, and the never agains.
Last year for my 25th, I felt a lot of pressure. As if there was some unsaid expectations of what it meant to be a "real adult" (whatever that means). I can't really tell you if I successfully lived up to those expectations in my 25th year, but I can tell you that I did learn a lot. And I grew a lot too. With 26, I felt like there was way less pressure (by and large, self-imposed anyway).
So, in December (less than two months away from my birthday), I decided to "bite the bullet" and purchase the tickets for a flight up to Seattle to visit a friend that I've been promising (to both her and myself) to visit. She's graduating from Udub in April, so I felt like it was "now or never, do or die."
Can I just tell you how wonderful this trip was?! I tried new foods (like drunken Thai noodles, Turkish Delight, octopus, a turkey/bacon/brie/apple sandwich, banana foster with orange flambe, and sweet potato frittata). I danced and sang at the top of the Space Needle. I went to the most beautiful museum I've ever been to (Chihuly Glass Museum). I went to the original Starbucks and Pike's Place. I went to Gaslamp park where a scene from "10 Things I Hate About You" was filmed. I took a picture with the troll under the bridge. All the while, spending time with one of my good friends and enjoying her company. It was bliss.
It was one of the best decisions I've made in a long time (for obvious reasons). I'll be doing more traveling this year for a number of less obvious reasons:
1. Self-care
You guys. I haven't felt this alive-- this *awake* in a while. I've been suffering from wanderlust for about a year now. And in some weird way, I've told myself that it's best that I not splurge on trips for myself. I was so wrong. I need travel in my life. In order to love the people in my life best, I need it.
2. Single-savvy
Subconsciously and maybe even a little consciously, I've been punishing myself for not being where I want to be in life. I've graduated with two degrees and I thought by now I'd at least be dating someone. That's the normal progression of things, right? I'm learning that there is no such thing as "normal." So as I've been waiting around for Mr. Right to show up, I've been holding myself back. Stupid. Listen to me, ladies. That's stupid. Really stupid. I've been waiting for my life to start. To start for what? It's already happening. It's happening now. If you are like I was, do yourself a favor and just book the damn tickets, already.
3. New resolutions
I did some serious soul searching before New Year's. This article made me stop and think about what I wanted my life, particularly my single life, to be about. I want my life to be about limitlessness. So, I made a resolution to travel more this year. The goal is travel to a new place at least once a month for the rest of the year. I went to Vegas twice in January. Seattle was in February. Trips slated for later this year include Portland in August and Jordan (the country) in the fall. But I'm already dreaming up ways to get to San Fran, the Grand Canyon, Maine, Washington D.C., Georgia, and China. I've drooled over my friend's travel pictures on Facebook/Instragram/Twitter enough already. Enough is enough.
Now is my time. Now is your time. Get out there and live life, people. Stop waiting for tomorrow to make it happen.
"Coincidentally" (I believe in coincidences less and less as I get older), I met a girl who is around my age on the plane ride home today. She had gotten home from teaching abroad in Japan for four years in August and she was headed on her way to New Zealand. 'Cause why? Because she could. She had a work visa and this was her one shot to make it happen since the visa doesn't last for ever and you can only apply for it once. It was "now or never, do or die" for her too.
SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! Let's make it happen, people. Let's live our lives out loud. I saw this quote on Facebook the other day, "She loved life and it love her right back." Love your life and let it love you right back.
Much love.
D
Last year for my 25th, I felt a lot of pressure. As if there was some unsaid expectations of what it meant to be a "real adult" (whatever that means). I can't really tell you if I successfully lived up to those expectations in my 25th year, but I can tell you that I did learn a lot. And I grew a lot too. With 26, I felt like there was way less pressure (by and large, self-imposed anyway).
So, in December (less than two months away from my birthday), I decided to "bite the bullet" and purchase the tickets for a flight up to Seattle to visit a friend that I've been promising (to both her and myself) to visit. She's graduating from Udub in April, so I felt like it was "now or never, do or die."
Can I just tell you how wonderful this trip was?! I tried new foods (like drunken Thai noodles, Turkish Delight, octopus, a turkey/bacon/brie/apple sandwich, banana foster with orange flambe, and sweet potato frittata). I danced and sang at the top of the Space Needle. I went to the most beautiful museum I've ever been to (Chihuly Glass Museum). I went to the original Starbucks and Pike's Place. I went to Gaslamp park where a scene from "10 Things I Hate About You" was filmed. I took a picture with the troll under the bridge. All the while, spending time with one of my good friends and enjoying her company. It was bliss.
It was one of the best decisions I've made in a long time (for obvious reasons). I'll be doing more traveling this year for a number of less obvious reasons:
1. Self-care
You guys. I haven't felt this alive-- this *awake* in a while. I've been suffering from wanderlust for about a year now. And in some weird way, I've told myself that it's best that I not splurge on trips for myself. I was so wrong. I need travel in my life. In order to love the people in my life best, I need it.
2. Single-savvy
Subconsciously and maybe even a little consciously, I've been punishing myself for not being where I want to be in life. I've graduated with two degrees and I thought by now I'd at least be dating someone. That's the normal progression of things, right? I'm learning that there is no such thing as "normal." So as I've been waiting around for Mr. Right to show up, I've been holding myself back. Stupid. Listen to me, ladies. That's stupid. Really stupid. I've been waiting for my life to start. To start for what? It's already happening. It's happening now. If you are like I was, do yourself a favor and just book the damn tickets, already.
3. New resolutions
I did some serious soul searching before New Year's. This article made me stop and think about what I wanted my life, particularly my single life, to be about. I want my life to be about limitlessness. So, I made a resolution to travel more this year. The goal is travel to a new place at least once a month for the rest of the year. I went to Vegas twice in January. Seattle was in February. Trips slated for later this year include Portland in August and Jordan (the country) in the fall. But I'm already dreaming up ways to get to San Fran, the Grand Canyon, Maine, Washington D.C., Georgia, and China. I've drooled over my friend's travel pictures on Facebook/Instragram/Twitter enough already. Enough is enough.
Now is my time. Now is your time. Get out there and live life, people. Stop waiting for tomorrow to make it happen.
"Coincidentally" (I believe in coincidences less and less as I get older), I met a girl who is around my age on the plane ride home today. She had gotten home from teaching abroad in Japan for four years in August and she was headed on her way to New Zealand. 'Cause why? Because she could. She had a work visa and this was her one shot to make it happen since the visa doesn't last for ever and you can only apply for it once. It was "now or never, do or die" for her too.
SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! Let's make it happen, people. Let's live our lives out loud. I saw this quote on Facebook the other day, "She loved life and it love her right back." Love your life and let it love you right back.
Much love.
D
Thursday, January 2, 2014
From Running Empty to Running on Grace
Like everyone else, as the new year approached, I reflected a lot on 2013 as I began to plan for 2014.
2013 was a tough year. The only way I could think to describe it was to compare it to like going through the fire like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. They had each other, but more importantly, they had Jesus. Many times in 2013, I didn't feel like I had a lot, but I always had Jesus.
2013 was also the year of tears. So many tears were shed in 2013. So much so that I began scouring the internet hoping that there was a diagnosis for my inability to go a day without crying for many-a-spell. But in many ways, those were cleansing tears-- the tears of renewal and healing. They were necessary tears. And yes, there were even happy tears. Like even most recently when I stared in disbelief at what seemed/still seems like an unreal amount of money in my bank account.
In many ways, 2013 was filled with long suffering and learning to live with a very limited budget. I cannot even count for you the number of times (despite my best efforts) my bank account was overdrawn and my car was running on empty. It was like the gas light was my ever-present companion and a constant reminder of how I was running on empty.
How was I going to make it from week to week? Were my dreams just slipping away? Did I mishear God's calling on my life? When was I ever going to catch my "break?" Was my sacrifices all for not? What else could I give? What else was I supposed to do? What was the right thing to do?
2013 was filled with a lot of questions and a lot of fear. But it's only in hindsight that I can recognize that much of my energy was spent worrying about my problems rather than focusing on the One who transcends any of my problems. I must admit that many days I acted as though my problems were bigger than my God.
But it wasn't until recently that I was able to really internalize what I want 2014 to be about. 2013 was a tough year, but it was a necessary one too. I've spent many years (not just last year) focusing on such temporal things (problems, certain people, situations, jobs, etc.) and not on things that really matter. On Dec. 30, 2013, in a letter penned to God, I asked for a renewal in my mind/perspective for the new year. My desire is not to lose weight or to increase my bank account or become wildly successful or well-liked. My true heart's desire is to give more. To give more of myself-- more of my time, more of my energy, and yes, even more of my resources and money. I want to let go of hurts more quickly and to forgive even quicker. I want to grow more into the woman I was created to be. And I want to find joy and happiness even in the most mundane things.
I'm learning that life's not about escaping problems or running away, but about finding peace amidst the storm. An increase in peace and love is what 2014 is going to be about. 2014, you and I are going to get along just fine.
2013 was a tough year. The only way I could think to describe it was to compare it to like going through the fire like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. They had each other, but more importantly, they had Jesus. Many times in 2013, I didn't feel like I had a lot, but I always had Jesus.
2013 was also the year of tears. So many tears were shed in 2013. So much so that I began scouring the internet hoping that there was a diagnosis for my inability to go a day without crying for many-a-spell. But in many ways, those were cleansing tears-- the tears of renewal and healing. They were necessary tears. And yes, there were even happy tears. Like even most recently when I stared in disbelief at what seemed/still seems like an unreal amount of money in my bank account.
In many ways, 2013 was filled with long suffering and learning to live with a very limited budget. I cannot even count for you the number of times (despite my best efforts) my bank account was overdrawn and my car was running on empty. It was like the gas light was my ever-present companion and a constant reminder of how I was running on empty.
How was I going to make it from week to week? Were my dreams just slipping away? Did I mishear God's calling on my life? When was I ever going to catch my "break?" Was my sacrifices all for not? What else could I give? What else was I supposed to do? What was the right thing to do?
2013 was filled with a lot of questions and a lot of fear. But it's only in hindsight that I can recognize that much of my energy was spent worrying about my problems rather than focusing on the One who transcends any of my problems. I must admit that many days I acted as though my problems were bigger than my God.
But it wasn't until recently that I was able to really internalize what I want 2014 to be about. 2013 was a tough year, but it was a necessary one too. I've spent many years (not just last year) focusing on such temporal things (problems, certain people, situations, jobs, etc.) and not on things that really matter. On Dec. 30, 2013, in a letter penned to God, I asked for a renewal in my mind/perspective for the new year. My desire is not to lose weight or to increase my bank account or become wildly successful or well-liked. My true heart's desire is to give more. To give more of myself-- more of my time, more of my energy, and yes, even more of my resources and money. I want to let go of hurts more quickly and to forgive even quicker. I want to grow more into the woman I was created to be. And I want to find joy and happiness even in the most mundane things.
I'm learning that life's not about escaping problems or running away, but about finding peace amidst the storm. An increase in peace and love is what 2014 is going to be about. 2014, you and I are going to get along just fine.
Monday, December 23, 2013
Oh, Where is Jesus?
Lately, I've been hit by a profound sadness. Perhaps, a holy sadness.
In the midst of the holiday season, I've often found myself wondering-- Where is Jesus?
He doesn't seem to be in the presents or underneath the Christmas tree. He certainly isn't in the parking lots of shopping malls with all of its cursing and middle fingers. But he also doesn't seem to be in the midst of all of the trite Christian sayings either.
Is Jesus the reason for the season? Yes, but he's the reason for every season. Not just this one. Is there a war on Christmas? Yes, I believe there is. But not in the ways we have thought. We've been deceived-- it's not about whether Santa is black or not or whether Jesus was white or not.
The war on Christmas is the war we wage on ourselves. It manifests itself in our lack of compassion, patience, humility, and kindness. It lives not just in other people, but deep within our own hearts as well.
We can know all of the details of the true meaning behind Christmas, but if we lack love, we've missed the point entirely.
So, as a challenge to you and to me, in the next two days leading up to Christmas, let's start fresh. We can wipe the slates clean everyday, and every hour, if necessary. And we can embody the true meaning of Christmas-- of a love so great that the heavens could not contain it.
Merry Christmas, everyone, and may God bless us, one and all.
In the midst of the holiday season, I've often found myself wondering-- Where is Jesus?
He doesn't seem to be in the presents or underneath the Christmas tree. He certainly isn't in the parking lots of shopping malls with all of its cursing and middle fingers. But he also doesn't seem to be in the midst of all of the trite Christian sayings either.
Is Jesus the reason for the season? Yes, but he's the reason for every season. Not just this one. Is there a war on Christmas? Yes, I believe there is. But not in the ways we have thought. We've been deceived-- it's not about whether Santa is black or not or whether Jesus was white or not.
The war on Christmas is the war we wage on ourselves. It manifests itself in our lack of compassion, patience, humility, and kindness. It lives not just in other people, but deep within our own hearts as well.
We can know all of the details of the true meaning behind Christmas, but if we lack love, we've missed the point entirely.
So, as a challenge to you and to me, in the next two days leading up to Christmas, let's start fresh. We can wipe the slates clean everyday, and every hour, if necessary. And we can embody the true meaning of Christmas-- of a love so great that the heavens could not contain it.
Merry Christmas, everyone, and may God bless us, one and all.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Is it too Late to Run Away to the Circus?!
Welp. The moment has come. The one I braced for, prepared for, and planned for... I've been having a self-care crisis. I've been feeling like I've been grasping for straws.
I thought I'd make it longer than this-- because I'm a tough cookie... right?! Wrong.
Tonight a friend asked me the question I've been dreading to answer for myself. "How do you do it? How do you work with such an intense issue all of the time?"
My answer: "I'm here at yoga, right? It's a work-in-progress. I'm still trying to figure that out."
My mom's lighthearted attempt to cheer me up was to remind me how she always says that no one has ever died from a flooring issue (her business is flooring, as you might have guessed) when the days are tough.
"Mom, I don't really have the luxury of saying that... 'Nobody has ever died from a human trafficking issue' isn't true. The seriousness of my work is something I think about when I wake up in the morning and when I go to sleep at night."
Following both of these conversations, I tweeted tonight: "In an honest but brief moment of weakness, I sometimes think... Is it too late to run away with the circus?!"
But being the smart person that I was/am (being facetious here), I thought about how I would ensure longevity while working in the social justice field when I was in grad school. Trying to be preemptive, ya know? I wrote the second half of my Master's thesis about self-care for this exact reason.
I think deep down, I knew. I knew that this day would come and it didn't matter how much research I did, how many people I asked about their self-care practices or how many articles I read on the subject... Some things in life you have to experience and figure out for yourself (but not necessarily by yourself).
I've been at my wit's end lately. I've been tired, grouchy, weary, impatient, unkind, and a long list of other adjectives. So, as I was driving today, I said, "God, I can't do this. I'm not strong enough. I don't have enough grace or patience."
And I heard a small, but direct, voice say, "I know. That's the point."
Damn. I've nearly worked myself into a tizzy trying to figure "it" out. Work on myself. Temper my breathing. Recite mantras. *Fix myself.* But you know what? I can't on my own. And it's easy to forget that.
Not everything is lost though. There are a few things that I do know: I know that I am called to this kind of work. I have invested (and been invested in) too much for me to turn back now, not only would that be foolish but please refer to the aforementioned statement. I am called to this. Therefore, I am committed to this work, anti-human trafficking and social justice as a whole. It's not "my" work; it's God's work. And I gotta do my part to remain faithful to all of that. And I gotta do my part to take care of me.
I don't claim to have it all figured out, but I have been discovering some things that have really helped me. This is *my* list (and everyone is different), so I'd encourage you to start discovering your own self-care list. Phases of life are different too. I'm sure this list with change and morph through different seasons of my life.
1. Arts and crafts. My latest obsession is yarn. Crocheting, loom knitting, arm knitting, whatever. But painting with acrylics on canvas is an old standby.
2. Projects. I love something that tangible and provides a feeling of accomplishment once I'm done. Something that has an end in sight. With an issue like human trafficking, it's a long road ahead. So, I need small victories in life.
3. Doing stuff for other people. Back to the yarn thing, I love making beanies, blankets, or scarves. But I also like writing notes (either via email, snail mail, or social media) to encourage/express my love and appreciation for people in my life.
4. Yoga. It's good for my body, but it's so good for my soul too. Savasana is a time/place where I feel really close to God and at peace/rest in His presence.
5. Being outside in quiet place or an art museum. Somewhere where there's beauty and silence. A place where, like in yoga, I can clear my mind of the clutter and draw close to God.
I also know that I'm not perfect and I'm going to fail-- repeatedly (much to my own chagrin). But thank God that His mercies are new everyday, because I need a whole lot of mercy these days!
Please continue to pray for me and the work that I'm apart of. It's a Goliath-sized task. But we know Goliath's fate in the end, so that helps. Also, pray that I can be given an extra dose of grace to extend onto those closest to me and that they too would be able to extend the same kind of grace to me. And always, much love to you all. Thank you for your continued prayers, encouragement, and love.
I thought I'd make it longer than this-- because I'm a tough cookie... right?! Wrong.
Tonight a friend asked me the question I've been dreading to answer for myself. "How do you do it? How do you work with such an intense issue all of the time?"
My answer: "I'm here at yoga, right? It's a work-in-progress. I'm still trying to figure that out."
My mom's lighthearted attempt to cheer me up was to remind me how she always says that no one has ever died from a flooring issue (her business is flooring, as you might have guessed) when the days are tough.
"Mom, I don't really have the luxury of saying that... 'Nobody has ever died from a human trafficking issue' isn't true. The seriousness of my work is something I think about when I wake up in the morning and when I go to sleep at night."
Following both of these conversations, I tweeted tonight: "In an honest but brief moment of weakness, I sometimes think... Is it too late to run away with the circus?!"
But being the smart person that I was/am (being facetious here), I thought about how I would ensure longevity while working in the social justice field when I was in grad school. Trying to be preemptive, ya know? I wrote the second half of my Master's thesis about self-care for this exact reason.
I think deep down, I knew. I knew that this day would come and it didn't matter how much research I did, how many people I asked about their self-care practices or how many articles I read on the subject... Some things in life you have to experience and figure out for yourself (but not necessarily by yourself).
I've been at my wit's end lately. I've been tired, grouchy, weary, impatient, unkind, and a long list of other adjectives. So, as I was driving today, I said, "God, I can't do this. I'm not strong enough. I don't have enough grace or patience."
And I heard a small, but direct, voice say, "I know. That's the point."
Damn. I've nearly worked myself into a tizzy trying to figure "it" out. Work on myself. Temper my breathing. Recite mantras. *Fix myself.* But you know what? I can't on my own. And it's easy to forget that.
Not everything is lost though. There are a few things that I do know: I know that I am called to this kind of work. I have invested (and been invested in) too much for me to turn back now, not only would that be foolish but please refer to the aforementioned statement. I am called to this. Therefore, I am committed to this work, anti-human trafficking and social justice as a whole. It's not "my" work; it's God's work. And I gotta do my part to remain faithful to all of that. And I gotta do my part to take care of me.
I don't claim to have it all figured out, but I have been discovering some things that have really helped me. This is *my* list (and everyone is different), so I'd encourage you to start discovering your own self-care list. Phases of life are different too. I'm sure this list with change and morph through different seasons of my life.
1. Arts and crafts. My latest obsession is yarn. Crocheting, loom knitting, arm knitting, whatever. But painting with acrylics on canvas is an old standby.
2. Projects. I love something that tangible and provides a feeling of accomplishment once I'm done. Something that has an end in sight. With an issue like human trafficking, it's a long road ahead. So, I need small victories in life.
3. Doing stuff for other people. Back to the yarn thing, I love making beanies, blankets, or scarves. But I also like writing notes (either via email, snail mail, or social media) to encourage/express my love and appreciation for people in my life.
4. Yoga. It's good for my body, but it's so good for my soul too. Savasana is a time/place where I feel really close to God and at peace/rest in His presence.
5. Being outside in quiet place or an art museum. Somewhere where there's beauty and silence. A place where, like in yoga, I can clear my mind of the clutter and draw close to God.
I also know that I'm not perfect and I'm going to fail-- repeatedly (much to my own chagrin). But thank God that His mercies are new everyday, because I need a whole lot of mercy these days!
Please continue to pray for me and the work that I'm apart of. It's a Goliath-sized task. But we know Goliath's fate in the end, so that helps. Also, pray that I can be given an extra dose of grace to extend onto those closest to me and that they too would be able to extend the same kind of grace to me. And always, much love to you all. Thank you for your continued prayers, encouragement, and love.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
And With Thanksgiving Comes...
"Thankfulness takes the sting out of adversity." (Jesus Calling, November 24)
I read that this morning and it really resonated with me, because I know it to be true. I don't think we should concentrate our efforts on being thankful in November only though. Back in September, I spent at least five minutes every day giving thanks for the same 5 things. I believe that that is one of the things that got me through September with a good attitude. It was a great practice-- one that I think I'll repeat often in life.
But since Thanksgiving is drawing near, I thought I would sit down and thoughtfully write out what I'm thankful for. This isn't something written out of obligation (I resent obligation anyways). Rather, it's something written from my heart. Maybe my list will inspire you to be thankful about something you hadn't really thought about and/or affirm the things that we're thankful for together. In no way is this list exhaustive, but it's a good start!
1. Whenever the holidays draw near, I always think about one of the greatest gift ever given-- Jesus. Emmanuel ("God with us") is a trippy concept to think about, because the whole thing just doesn't make sense. God first loved us. Wrapping my mind around that is hard sometimes.
2. The other greatest gift, obviously, being the cross. The first thing on my list is trippy enough. This is even trippier.
3. The opportunity I had to be educated. Especially as a woman, I don't take that lightly.
4. My family. As screwed up as we are, they have made me who I am. For better or for worse, family is family.
5. The gift of singing. It brings joy to me everyday.
6. My car is my lifeline. I don't know what I would have done/would do without it.
7. My computer/phone keeps me connected in ways that I would have never thought was possible. God bless technology.
8. There are few people I would trust my life with. Makes me cherish those few all the more.
9. Coffee. I don't have a deep reason for this one. I just really like coffee. Sometimes it feels like a spiritual experience because I just love it that much.
10. The opportunity I've had to live with my grandparents. They're great people. Sometimes I wish I had my own place, but then I remind myself that that day will come soon enough and that I'm sure I'll miss living with them. We've created/will continue to create memories to cherish for a lifetime.
11. Disney. Now, as much as I *hated* working there, my closest friends are a direct result of my employment there. When I look at it that way, I know my time wasn't all for not, but that it was even for a purpose.
12. Literacy-- this kinda goes back to education, but in a different way. I love books. I love articles. I love blogs. I just love words. I love my ability to see and to read. Oh, and spelling! And grammar (but please excuse my inattention to that in this blog post though)!
13. My church. They're rad people and the type of community I prayed for for five years.
14. My work/ministry. It flows out of who I am and although the path isn't always clear, I know that I'm on the right path. To the people who have believed in me, prayed for me, paved the way for me, and given me a chance, I could not be more thankful.
15. Mentors, teachers, and advisers who have invested in me. Refer to 14.
16. Art/beauty/music. C.S. Lewis said it best, "Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”
17. I haven't always been thankful for this, but deep down, I know that I am thankful for my boisterous laugh. A friend described my laugh like a seizure tonight. Not the most politically correct analogy, but it's sudden and acute. So, it makes sense.
18. Clean water and enough food (and it's tasty to boot!) at my disposal every. day.
19. I live in a relatively safe and just place (neighborhood, city, nation) in the world. The threat of violence is less imminent than it is for many others.
20. By global standards, I am a wealthy person. By and large, it is because of the opportunities afforded to my ancestors and their subsequent hard work and sacrifice. I owe a lot to those who have gone before me and made it possible for me to lead the life that I do.
Ranging from the silly and the trivial to the more serious things on my list, I can honestly say that I have much to be grateful for. I know that there are tons of things that I have missed, but hopefully, you get the gist. I'd encourage you to sit down and write your own list. You don't have to publish it anywhere or share it with anyone, but trust me, you'll greatly benefit from taking the time to reflect on what you're thankful for. I'd also encourage you to revisit your lists and/or create new lists on a regular basis because...
A happy heart is a thankful heart.
Much love and Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
I read that this morning and it really resonated with me, because I know it to be true. I don't think we should concentrate our efforts on being thankful in November only though. Back in September, I spent at least five minutes every day giving thanks for the same 5 things. I believe that that is one of the things that got me through September with a good attitude. It was a great practice-- one that I think I'll repeat often in life.
But since Thanksgiving is drawing near, I thought I would sit down and thoughtfully write out what I'm thankful for. This isn't something written out of obligation (I resent obligation anyways). Rather, it's something written from my heart. Maybe my list will inspire you to be thankful about something you hadn't really thought about and/or affirm the things that we're thankful for together. In no way is this list exhaustive, but it's a good start!
1. Whenever the holidays draw near, I always think about one of the greatest gift ever given-- Jesus. Emmanuel ("God with us") is a trippy concept to think about, because the whole thing just doesn't make sense. God first loved us. Wrapping my mind around that is hard sometimes.
2. The other greatest gift, obviously, being the cross. The first thing on my list is trippy enough. This is even trippier.
3. The opportunity I had to be educated. Especially as a woman, I don't take that lightly.
4. My family. As screwed up as we are, they have made me who I am. For better or for worse, family is family.
5. The gift of singing. It brings joy to me everyday.
6. My car is my lifeline. I don't know what I would have done/would do without it.
7. My computer/phone keeps me connected in ways that I would have never thought was possible. God bless technology.
8. There are few people I would trust my life with. Makes me cherish those few all the more.
9. Coffee. I don't have a deep reason for this one. I just really like coffee. Sometimes it feels like a spiritual experience because I just love it that much.
10. The opportunity I've had to live with my grandparents. They're great people. Sometimes I wish I had my own place, but then I remind myself that that day will come soon enough and that I'm sure I'll miss living with them. We've created/will continue to create memories to cherish for a lifetime.
11. Disney. Now, as much as I *hated* working there, my closest friends are a direct result of my employment there. When I look at it that way, I know my time wasn't all for not, but that it was even for a purpose.
12. Literacy-- this kinda goes back to education, but in a different way. I love books. I love articles. I love blogs. I just love words. I love my ability to see and to read. Oh, and spelling! And grammar (but please excuse my inattention to that in this blog post though)!
13. My church. They're rad people and the type of community I prayed for for five years.
14. My work/ministry. It flows out of who I am and although the path isn't always clear, I know that I'm on the right path. To the people who have believed in me, prayed for me, paved the way for me, and given me a chance, I could not be more thankful.
15. Mentors, teachers, and advisers who have invested in me. Refer to 14.
16. Art/beauty/music. C.S. Lewis said it best, "Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”
17. I haven't always been thankful for this, but deep down, I know that I am thankful for my boisterous laugh. A friend described my laugh like a seizure tonight. Not the most politically correct analogy, but it's sudden and acute. So, it makes sense.
18. Clean water and enough food (and it's tasty to boot!) at my disposal every. day.
19. I live in a relatively safe and just place (neighborhood, city, nation) in the world. The threat of violence is less imminent than it is for many others.
20. By global standards, I am a wealthy person. By and large, it is because of the opportunities afforded to my ancestors and their subsequent hard work and sacrifice. I owe a lot to those who have gone before me and made it possible for me to lead the life that I do.
Ranging from the silly and the trivial to the more serious things on my list, I can honestly say that I have much to be grateful for. I know that there are tons of things that I have missed, but hopefully, you get the gist. I'd encourage you to sit down and write your own list. You don't have to publish it anywhere or share it with anyone, but trust me, you'll greatly benefit from taking the time to reflect on what you're thankful for. I'd also encourage you to revisit your lists and/or create new lists on a regular basis because...
A happy heart is a thankful heart.
Much love and Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
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