Lately, I've been hit by a profound sadness. Perhaps, a holy sadness.
In the midst of the holiday season, I've often found myself wondering-- Where is Jesus?
He doesn't seem to be in the presents or underneath the Christmas tree. He certainly isn't in the parking lots of shopping malls with all of its cursing and middle fingers. But he also doesn't seem to be in the midst of all of the trite Christian sayings either.
Is Jesus the reason for the season? Yes, but he's the reason for every season. Not just this one. Is there a war on Christmas? Yes, I believe there is. But not in the ways we have thought. We've been deceived-- it's not about whether Santa is black or not or whether Jesus was white or not.
The war on Christmas is the war we wage on ourselves. It manifests itself in our lack of compassion, patience, humility, and kindness. It lives not just in other people, but deep within our own hearts as well.
We can know all of the details of the true meaning behind Christmas, but if we lack love, we've missed the point entirely.
So, as a challenge to you and to me, in the next two days leading up to Christmas, let's start fresh. We can wipe the slates clean everyday, and every hour, if necessary. And we can embody the true meaning of Christmas-- of a love so great that the heavens could not contain it.
Merry Christmas, everyone, and may God bless us, one and all.
Monday, December 23, 2013
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Is it too Late to Run Away to the Circus?!
Welp. The moment has come. The one I braced for, prepared for, and planned for... I've been having a self-care crisis. I've been feeling like I've been grasping for straws.
I thought I'd make it longer than this-- because I'm a tough cookie... right?! Wrong.
Tonight a friend asked me the question I've been dreading to answer for myself. "How do you do it? How do you work with such an intense issue all of the time?"
My answer: "I'm here at yoga, right? It's a work-in-progress. I'm still trying to figure that out."
My mom's lighthearted attempt to cheer me up was to remind me how she always says that no one has ever died from a flooring issue (her business is flooring, as you might have guessed) when the days are tough.
"Mom, I don't really have the luxury of saying that... 'Nobody has ever died from a human trafficking issue' isn't true. The seriousness of my work is something I think about when I wake up in the morning and when I go to sleep at night."
Following both of these conversations, I tweeted tonight: "In an honest but brief moment of weakness, I sometimes think... Is it too late to run away with the circus?!"
But being the smart person that I was/am (being facetious here), I thought about how I would ensure longevity while working in the social justice field when I was in grad school. Trying to be preemptive, ya know? I wrote the second half of my Master's thesis about self-care for this exact reason.
I think deep down, I knew. I knew that this day would come and it didn't matter how much research I did, how many people I asked about their self-care practices or how many articles I read on the subject... Some things in life you have to experience and figure out for yourself (but not necessarily by yourself).
I've been at my wit's end lately. I've been tired, grouchy, weary, impatient, unkind, and a long list of other adjectives. So, as I was driving today, I said, "God, I can't do this. I'm not strong enough. I don't have enough grace or patience."
And I heard a small, but direct, voice say, "I know. That's the point."
Damn. I've nearly worked myself into a tizzy trying to figure "it" out. Work on myself. Temper my breathing. Recite mantras. *Fix myself.* But you know what? I can't on my own. And it's easy to forget that.
Not everything is lost though. There are a few things that I do know: I know that I am called to this kind of work. I have invested (and been invested in) too much for me to turn back now, not only would that be foolish but please refer to the aforementioned statement. I am called to this. Therefore, I am committed to this work, anti-human trafficking and social justice as a whole. It's not "my" work; it's God's work. And I gotta do my part to remain faithful to all of that. And I gotta do my part to take care of me.
I don't claim to have it all figured out, but I have been discovering some things that have really helped me. This is *my* list (and everyone is different), so I'd encourage you to start discovering your own self-care list. Phases of life are different too. I'm sure this list with change and morph through different seasons of my life.
1. Arts and crafts. My latest obsession is yarn. Crocheting, loom knitting, arm knitting, whatever. But painting with acrylics on canvas is an old standby.
2. Projects. I love something that tangible and provides a feeling of accomplishment once I'm done. Something that has an end in sight. With an issue like human trafficking, it's a long road ahead. So, I need small victories in life.
3. Doing stuff for other people. Back to the yarn thing, I love making beanies, blankets, or scarves. But I also like writing notes (either via email, snail mail, or social media) to encourage/express my love and appreciation for people in my life.
4. Yoga. It's good for my body, but it's so good for my soul too. Savasana is a time/place where I feel really close to God and at peace/rest in His presence.
5. Being outside in quiet place or an art museum. Somewhere where there's beauty and silence. A place where, like in yoga, I can clear my mind of the clutter and draw close to God.
I also know that I'm not perfect and I'm going to fail-- repeatedly (much to my own chagrin). But thank God that His mercies are new everyday, because I need a whole lot of mercy these days!
Please continue to pray for me and the work that I'm apart of. It's a Goliath-sized task. But we know Goliath's fate in the end, so that helps. Also, pray that I can be given an extra dose of grace to extend onto those closest to me and that they too would be able to extend the same kind of grace to me. And always, much love to you all. Thank you for your continued prayers, encouragement, and love.
I thought I'd make it longer than this-- because I'm a tough cookie... right?! Wrong.
Tonight a friend asked me the question I've been dreading to answer for myself. "How do you do it? How do you work with such an intense issue all of the time?"
My answer: "I'm here at yoga, right? It's a work-in-progress. I'm still trying to figure that out."
My mom's lighthearted attempt to cheer me up was to remind me how she always says that no one has ever died from a flooring issue (her business is flooring, as you might have guessed) when the days are tough.
"Mom, I don't really have the luxury of saying that... 'Nobody has ever died from a human trafficking issue' isn't true. The seriousness of my work is something I think about when I wake up in the morning and when I go to sleep at night."
Following both of these conversations, I tweeted tonight: "In an honest but brief moment of weakness, I sometimes think... Is it too late to run away with the circus?!"
But being the smart person that I was/am (being facetious here), I thought about how I would ensure longevity while working in the social justice field when I was in grad school. Trying to be preemptive, ya know? I wrote the second half of my Master's thesis about self-care for this exact reason.
I think deep down, I knew. I knew that this day would come and it didn't matter how much research I did, how many people I asked about their self-care practices or how many articles I read on the subject... Some things in life you have to experience and figure out for yourself (but not necessarily by yourself).
I've been at my wit's end lately. I've been tired, grouchy, weary, impatient, unkind, and a long list of other adjectives. So, as I was driving today, I said, "God, I can't do this. I'm not strong enough. I don't have enough grace or patience."
And I heard a small, but direct, voice say, "I know. That's the point."
Damn. I've nearly worked myself into a tizzy trying to figure "it" out. Work on myself. Temper my breathing. Recite mantras. *Fix myself.* But you know what? I can't on my own. And it's easy to forget that.
Not everything is lost though. There are a few things that I do know: I know that I am called to this kind of work. I have invested (and been invested in) too much for me to turn back now, not only would that be foolish but please refer to the aforementioned statement. I am called to this. Therefore, I am committed to this work, anti-human trafficking and social justice as a whole. It's not "my" work; it's God's work. And I gotta do my part to remain faithful to all of that. And I gotta do my part to take care of me.
I don't claim to have it all figured out, but I have been discovering some things that have really helped me. This is *my* list (and everyone is different), so I'd encourage you to start discovering your own self-care list. Phases of life are different too. I'm sure this list with change and morph through different seasons of my life.
1. Arts and crafts. My latest obsession is yarn. Crocheting, loom knitting, arm knitting, whatever. But painting with acrylics on canvas is an old standby.
2. Projects. I love something that tangible and provides a feeling of accomplishment once I'm done. Something that has an end in sight. With an issue like human trafficking, it's a long road ahead. So, I need small victories in life.
3. Doing stuff for other people. Back to the yarn thing, I love making beanies, blankets, or scarves. But I also like writing notes (either via email, snail mail, or social media) to encourage/express my love and appreciation for people in my life.
4. Yoga. It's good for my body, but it's so good for my soul too. Savasana is a time/place where I feel really close to God and at peace/rest in His presence.
5. Being outside in quiet place or an art museum. Somewhere where there's beauty and silence. A place where, like in yoga, I can clear my mind of the clutter and draw close to God.
I also know that I'm not perfect and I'm going to fail-- repeatedly (much to my own chagrin). But thank God that His mercies are new everyday, because I need a whole lot of mercy these days!
Please continue to pray for me and the work that I'm apart of. It's a Goliath-sized task. But we know Goliath's fate in the end, so that helps. Also, pray that I can be given an extra dose of grace to extend onto those closest to me and that they too would be able to extend the same kind of grace to me. And always, much love to you all. Thank you for your continued prayers, encouragement, and love.
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