"I'm so glad I know you!"

Today was one of those days where I was able to reflect on how there are so many people in my life whom I can say, "I'm so glad I know you!" 

In the midst of the hustle and bustle of life, I feel like I have forgotten all about what life is really about: relationality. This is something that cries out to me out of my experiences and what I learned about people while I was in Tanzania and Kenya over 4 years ago. 


There is a saying: "Americans have watches, but they don't have time. Africans don't have watches, but they have all of the time in the world." Ain't it the truth? I have been so busy with life (and so incredibly unhappy) that I have hardly any time to be. The emotional exhaustion has given way to not making time to just be with other people. 


Today has reminded me that life is too short to race through life not stopping to notice people. What is the eternal significance of such apathy?

C.S. Lewis said, "It is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit." That's a powerful thought. How much of the time am I concerned with things that are so temporal? So lost in the moment that I can't see the forest through the trees? How many times am I just as guilty as the Levite or the priest who walked by the beaten man on the road rather than taking the time to stop and help like the Samaritan? 


How many people could honestly say to me, "I'm so glad I know you!"? If I'm truly honest with myself, I'm not sure that very many people could say that my light has shone very brightly lately. Over the past year or so, I have been in a serious funk. Although my light was not completely extinguished, there were times when it glowed very dimly. Now, I feel like my life is getting to a point where I feel that flame growing inside of me. 


I can't help but think of the classic children's song that goes like this:


"This little light of mine,
I'm going to let it shine.
This little light of mine,
I'm going to let it shine.
This little light of mine,
I'm going to let it shine. 
Let it shine, let it shine. Let is shine!"


I want to make it clear that I haven't made it to such a place in my life now merely on my own strength. Rather, many of the people in my life have helped to rekindle the growing flame within my soul. Because of their patience and continually love, I am inexpressibly grateful and I can honestly say, "I'm so glad I know you!"

Trail Blazing

Today, I was talking to a co-worker about how I recently earned my Master's degree and the inevitable question of "So, what is it that you want to do?" came up. After my lengthy discussion of what I want to do, the follow-up question was, "What is your degree in again?" This, too, required quite a bit of explaining as well.

Now, as I sit reflecting back on my conversation with her, I must say that it is not unlike any other conversation I have had about this topic. Rather, this conversation is one that has become representative of how many of these discussions go.... usually, there is a whole lot of talking on my part and a whole lot of listening on the questioner's part. 

Through my continual verbal processing and introspective reflection, I am continually reminded of how truly unique what it is that I want to do with my life, which is what I feel like God is calling me towards.

Now, it must be said, I don't typically make it a habit to be different or to go against the grain just to go against the grain. In fact, sometimes I really do wish that I was like most people. And, I truly mean that in the best way possible. 

Sometimes, I just feel so weird and I wish that I didn't have this innate desire for something more... that my life could be easily defined within the parameters set by society. That I could be merely satisfied to pick a "normal" career and not feel the need to blaze a new trail or make a new way. 

And yet, at the end of the day, I have somewhat become resigned to the fact that I can't change what it is or who I am. Regardless of how much I would like to be a mere simpleton, I am not. The status quo is not enough for me. I am a natural born leader who doesn't care if people follow me or not. I just know that I've got to do what it is that I feel is right.


Please make no mistake. The purpose of this post is NOT to toot my own horn or to make me seem any more important than I am. Rather, this is an affirmation of my faith in God's purpose in my life. I just get the sense that I was created with a purpose. I was made to do something that matters. I'm not just a coincidence, an "oops," or the result of mere biological mechanics. I could choose to ignore those feelings and repress my desire to figure out what I should be doing with my life, but, I know in my heart, I simply cannot.


Life is a beautiful struggle. The day that I stop fighting and striving towards what it is that I am meant to do here on Earth is the day that I die. Life is like a marathon. Whether I am able to run, jog, walk, or crawl across the finish line, I am going to do whatever it takes to finish what I've been set here to do.

I am fighter. 
I am survivor.
I am not a quitter.
And I am going to make my Maker proud.

Action and Reaction

In physics, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. I have found that this is also a general rule of thumb in my life as well. 

Take for example, when I was a child, I grew up being taught (albeit mainly implicitly) that emotions were a sign of weakness. I rarely cried as a child, especially in front of my father, because, in my mind, I felt like it meant that he had "won." I did not ever want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had defeated me, in anything. So, I just. didn't. cry. 

In fact, it became a joke in my family (although I don't think they ever fully understood why) that I only cried once every six months. That being said, I've recently shed a few more tears this year than I had previously done in my entire life. And yet, I still wouldn't consider myself to be a "crier."

All of this is to say, I think that there was an opposite and equal reaction to my actions that I had not yet discovered until recently. My "bottle it up" and "don't let them see you sweat" attitude has caused a lot of people to perceive me as though nothing can hurt my feelings. Truth be told, for the most part, I am very resilient and I try not to let a lot of things get to me. At the same time, I am one of those people who will take it, and take it, and take it until one day I can't take it anymore. 

Lately, I've been feeling like I can't take it anymore. By "it," I am referring to the fact that several people in my life feel like it is acceptable to flake on business appointments, girl's nights, coffee dates, etc. Don't get me wrong; I am an incredibly understanding person when it comes to being busy. I get it. People are busy. I'm busy. We're all busy. But like I said, there is a certain point, where I start to wonder... why does it seem like I am so low on everyone else's priority list when I would practically move heaven and earth to make time for a friend who needs my love and attention? 

When talking to a friend about it tonight, he said, "Delia, I think that you need to tell people that their actions hurt your feelings." What? Admission that my feelings were hurt? What a strange concept. That may seem to odd to some people, but, really and truly, "emotional talks" are so out of my league. I know that I am far more equipped as a female to discuss such things and yet I feel like I am in unknown waters sometimes.

And yet, my friend's advice rings true in my ears. Although the idea of "sharing my feelings" with some people terrifies me, I'd like to look at this as a part of new growing experience. My hope is that writing these things down will prove to not only be helpful to me but to you as well. Maybe, some part of this post will resonate with you and cause you to embark on your own journey of musings too...