Action and Reaction

In physics, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. I have found that this is also a general rule of thumb in my life as well. 

Take for example, when I was a child, I grew up being taught (albeit mainly implicitly) that emotions were a sign of weakness. I rarely cried as a child, especially in front of my father, because, in my mind, I felt like it meant that he had "won." I did not ever want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had defeated me, in anything. So, I just. didn't. cry. 

In fact, it became a joke in my family (although I don't think they ever fully understood why) that I only cried once every six months. That being said, I've recently shed a few more tears this year than I had previously done in my entire life. And yet, I still wouldn't consider myself to be a "crier."

All of this is to say, I think that there was an opposite and equal reaction to my actions that I had not yet discovered until recently. My "bottle it up" and "don't let them see you sweat" attitude has caused a lot of people to perceive me as though nothing can hurt my feelings. Truth be told, for the most part, I am very resilient and I try not to let a lot of things get to me. At the same time, I am one of those people who will take it, and take it, and take it until one day I can't take it anymore. 

Lately, I've been feeling like I can't take it anymore. By "it," I am referring to the fact that several people in my life feel like it is acceptable to flake on business appointments, girl's nights, coffee dates, etc. Don't get me wrong; I am an incredibly understanding person when it comes to being busy. I get it. People are busy. I'm busy. We're all busy. But like I said, there is a certain point, where I start to wonder... why does it seem like I am so low on everyone else's priority list when I would practically move heaven and earth to make time for a friend who needs my love and attention? 

When talking to a friend about it tonight, he said, "Delia, I think that you need to tell people that their actions hurt your feelings." What? Admission that my feelings were hurt? What a strange concept. That may seem to odd to some people, but, really and truly, "emotional talks" are so out of my league. I know that I am far more equipped as a female to discuss such things and yet I feel like I am in unknown waters sometimes.

And yet, my friend's advice rings true in my ears. Although the idea of "sharing my feelings" with some people terrifies me, I'd like to look at this as a part of new growing experience. My hope is that writing these things down will prove to not only be helpful to me but to you as well. Maybe, some part of this post will resonate with you and cause you to embark on your own journey of musings too...