The content of this blog post is something that I've been ruminating over for the past couple of weeks. However, I think the culmination of it all reached its peak today.
Where shall I begin? Well, first thing is first. I am feeling annoyed. Annoyed about what? I'm annoyed that people keep asking about my dating life. What's so bad about that? Well, the question behind the questions seem to imply that since losing weight that I should have "no problem" getting a boyfriend. There I said it. It's offensive to me, on a number of levels.
First of all, I feel like I need to be clear: EVERY GIRL HAS THE EXACT LOVE LIFE THAT SHE WANTS. I heard that line from a movie once and it just stuck with me... because IT'S TRUE. If a girl argues with you and says that it's not true, it's because she hasn't done some serious soul searching to figure out what it is that is keeping her from having the love life she wants.
Secondly, losing weight doesn't automatically make you more or less eligible for dating. Before I lost weight, I went on dates with guys. Mind you, it wasn't often. But, that's why my friends call me picky or tell me that I have "high standards." I got a couple of good stories out of those experiences, but I digress. I could be 50 lbs or even a 100 lbs heavier than I am now and I'm sure that I wouldn't have a problem finding someone to date. If anyone said that I couldn't, you know that I would start dating guys just to spite everyone. (Kidding! ....Kinda.)
But above all, I think what I resent most about the assumption that I'm "finally ready to date" since losing weight is that I am essentially the same person that I was 25 lbs ago. Fundamentally, who I am, who I want to be, and where I am going is all the same. C.S. Lewis said it best, "You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body." I have this body that I was given and I'm learning how to treat it with the respect that it deserves. Our bodies are the temple of the Spirit, after all. Again, I digress. The reason why I date or don't date has nothing to do with my weight. Period.
The bottom line is that I am not opposed to dating, but what I am opposed to is the implicit increase of value that is placed on a woman once she is dating someone. We don't live in the old days or in a traditional culture where a good dowry is something to be desired. Am I worth more cows than that other girl? Don't know. Don't care. I have never defined myself in those terms or in regards to my relationship with a man. Again, never have. Never will. I am and will continue to be Delia. She has a unique purpose of her own and she was placed onto this planet to do some good. If a guy wants to come along for the ride, he is more than welcome to. But, even if worse comes to worst and no guy wants to journey along with me, it is NOT the end of the world.
Some people may find that to be sad or tragic, but what I find to be truly tragic is that there are sooooo women out there who derive their value from their relationships with men. I've known many of these women in my life. I've seen their heartache and it pains me that they find their worth in such unstable places. Ladies, if we are to love ourselves, that love has got to flow out from the One who is Love. The One who knit us together in our mothers' wombs and knows the number of hairs on our heads. Only God can love us as we were meant to be loved. Any other love beyond that pales in comparison, because it is the agape kind of love, not just the eros kind of love. It's an unconditional kind of love. And let's be real, why would we want to settle for anything less than the best?!
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