Understanding People

This week has been tough. Especially since growing pains are... well, painful.

I've talked about this over and over again this past month about being outside of my comfort zone in pursuit of success in my life. 

The desire to succeed (or to win) is something that has always been a strong motivator in my life. Anyways, in my line of business, I am learning that I have to reframe the means that I am using to get to the end. It means that I am learning how to work with people and understand what motivates them.

Let me tell you, that is no easy task. In fact, I'd say that it down right sucks. Haha. Seriously though, I've spent the better part of the week feeling frustrated because people confuse me so much. 

In my graduate studies, I got used to by-passing people who weren't over-achievers like me. If they didn't keep up, they got left behind. Right, wrong, or indifferent, that was just reality. And group projects, don't even get me started. I know that that is something that we were constantly made to do, but within the time constraints of a quarter, I doubt we ever successfully figured out what it meant to work as a group.

I don't think it was my school's fault. It was due to 2 things: 1. Time constraints; 2. My (and/or our) desire to not "fail." (Which I rediscovered this week is really the root of my motivation.) Sure, I never got a bad grade on a group project, but do you know why? Because I usually ending up doing the lion's share of the work. Did it frustrate me? Yes. But did it stop me from doing what it took to get a good grade? Nope.

My desire not to fail is so deeply ingrained in me is something that I didn't realize until recently that not everyone has that. Where does it come from? As cliche as it sounds, it came from a rough upbringing. Yeah, it's the age-old story of having a poor relationship with my dad. I just took the negativity of that relationship and did my best to take what he meant to hurt me as a means to motivate me. As per usual, I'm not looking for any sympathy, just to explain why I am the way that I am.

Epiphany #1 of this week: Not everyone has the same experiences that made them an over-achiever like me. Not everyone is interested in being "the best" or even "their own best."

Seriously, it's such a foreign concept to me that I talked to every friend and family member that I could think of about it, because it made NO sense to me. I know that not everyone has had experiences like me, but isn't the desire to win something that is inherent?! Apparently not.

So, I've done A LOT of thinking (because that's what I do). I took a step back to figure out why it bothered me so much. Here's what it boils down to: my perception of people who underachieve (and are AWARE that they underachieve and are CAPABLE of greater potential) are apathetic. What is one of the things that sends me over the edge the fastest? Apathy.

Why? Because if everyone gave a damn, this world would be a better place. They wouldn't even have to care THAT much. But imagine a world where EVERYONE cared A LOT. Imagine how different our world would be! People who cared about other people, the environment, animals, etc. would revolutionize the face of this earth. 

So, when people KNOWINGLY underachieve, it sends me to a dark place. Quite literally, despair is one of the first emotions that comes to mind. Equal to my desire to succeed is my desire to make a difference in this world. I know that I know that I can't do this alone. I have a love-hate relationship with interdependence for that reason.

Epiphany #2: People who underachieve aren't necessarily apathetic, but maybe they are just so overwhelmed with themselves that they can't deal with anything else. Okay, so that brings me back to my initial problem: understanding people and what motivates them-- in hopes to motivate them.

Usually, by the end of a blog post, I have mostly wrapped it up with a satisfying conclusion and some charge of optimism. Well, this post isn't quite like that. I don't necessarily feel ANY closer to understanding people or what motivates them. 

What this post has taught me is that I need a wisdom that supersedes my own. My experience has also taught me that the harder I try to do something is usually the worse it ends up. So, I'm laying down my frustration, confusion, and helplessness down at the feet of Jesus. It's the only thing that seems to make sense in the midst of all of this. I'm not optimistic that I can be successful in figuring all of this out, but I do trust the One who can. And that is what brings me peace. Please join me in praying for the patience, compassion, and empathy needed to help people. Thanks, friends.