And With Thanksgiving Comes...

"Thankfulness takes the sting out of adversity." (Jesus Calling, November 24)

I read that this morning and it really resonated with me, because I know it to be true. I don't think we should concentrate our efforts on being thankful in November only though. Back in September, I spent at least five minutes every day giving thanks for the same 5 things. I believe that that is one of the things that got me through September with a good attitude. It was a great practice-- one that I think I'll repeat often in life.

But since Thanksgiving is drawing near, I thought I would sit down and thoughtfully write out what I'm thankful for. This isn't something written out of obligation (I resent obligation anyways). Rather, it's something written from my heart. Maybe my list will inspire you to be thankful about something you hadn't really thought about and/or affirm the things that we're thankful for together. In no way is this list exhaustive, but it's a good start!

1. Whenever the holidays draw near, I always think about one of the greatest gift ever given-- Jesus. Emmanuel ("God with us") is a trippy concept to think about, because the whole thing just doesn't make sense. God first loved us. Wrapping my mind around that is hard sometimes.

2. The other greatest gift, obviously, being the cross. The first thing on my list is trippy enough. This is even trippier.

3. The opportunity I had to be educated. Especially as a woman, I don't take that lightly. 

4. My family. As screwed up as we are, they have made me who I am. For better or for worse, family is family. 

5. The gift of singing. It brings joy to me everyday. 

6. My car is my lifeline. I don't know what I would have done/would do without it. 

7. My computer/phone keeps me connected in ways that I would have never thought was possible. God bless technology.

8. There are few people I would trust my life with. Makes me cherish those few all the more.

9. Coffee. I don't have a deep reason for this one. I just really like coffee. Sometimes it feels like a spiritual experience because I just love it that much.

10. The opportunity I've had to live with my grandparents. They're great people. Sometimes I wish I had my own place, but then I remind myself that that day will come soon enough and that I'm sure I'll miss living with them. We've created/will continue to create memories to cherish for a lifetime.

11. Disney. Now, as much as I *hated* working there, my closest friends are a direct result of my employment there. When I look at it that way, I know my time wasn't all for not, but that it was even for a purpose.

12. Literacy-- this kinda goes back to education, but in a different way. I love books. I love articles. I love blogs. I just love words. I love my ability to see and to read. Oh, and spelling! And grammar (but please excuse my inattention to that in this blog post though)!

13. My church. They're rad people and the type of community I prayed for for five years. 

14. My work/ministry. It flows out of who I am and although the path isn't always clear, I know that I'm on the right path. To the people who have believed in me, prayed for me, paved the way for me, and given me a chance, I could not be more thankful.

15. Mentors, teachers, and advisers who have invested in me. Refer to 14.

16. Art/beauty/music. C.S. Lewis said it best, "Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” 

17. I haven't always been thankful for this, but deep down, I know that I am thankful for my boisterous laugh. A friend described my laugh like a seizure tonight. Not the most politically correct analogy, but it's sudden and acute. So, it makes sense.

18. Clean water and enough food (and it's tasty to boot!) at my disposal every. day. 

19. I live in a relatively safe and just place (neighborhood, city, nation) in the world. The threat of violence is less imminent than it is for many others. 

20. By global standards, I am a wealthy person. By and large, it is because of the opportunities afforded to my ancestors and their subsequent hard work and sacrifice. I owe a lot to those who have gone before me and made it possible for me to lead the life that I do.

Ranging from the silly and the trivial to the more serious things on my list, I can honestly say that I have much to be grateful for. I know that there are tons of things that I have missed, but hopefully, you get the gist. I'd encourage you to sit down and write your own list. You don't have to publish it anywhere or share it with anyone, but trust me, you'll greatly benefit from taking the time to reflect on what you're thankful for. I'd also encourage you to revisit your lists and/or create new lists on a regular basis because...

A happy heart is a thankful heart.


Much love and Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Disappointment and Suffering

If I'm honest with myself, I've been really struggling lately. But not really for any of the reasons I would have thought to be the obvious ones.

It's been twofold: a. getting what I've prayed for, but not in the way that I had prayed for it (aka disappointment & disillusionment); b. grappling with the theology of suffering and what it means to live a faith-filled life, a Christlike life.

Lemme explain... But lemme take it back a few years to 2010, when I graduated with my Master's at the height of the recession. Being the ambitious and naive graduate that I was, I thought I'd be an exception to the job market woes. Boy, was I wrong. To make matters worse, I would liken my employment situation to being in a bad relationship with an abusive boyfriend. It took me 2 additional years before I got up the nerve to leave that abusive boyfriend once and for all. By the time 2013 rolled around, I had lost all sense of direction but I was determined to not give up on my career aspirations. Much of 2013 was filled with some dark days. But by the grace of God, one of the doors that I had banged on so hard to open-- did. As of November 1, I became officially employed by an organization that I had been working for free for months. Create my own job description? Check. Secure funding/resources for position? Check. Do what many had doubted was possible? Check, check, and check.

So, here we are at the end of 2013 having overcome so much already and embarking on what could be the beginning of a promising career in the field that I have chosen, and gone to school for, and literally *begged* God to send me...

...And it's not what I expected. For two reasons, 1. I'm realizing that this "job" is going to be so much more of a marathon than a sprint and I'm feeling overwhelmed; 2. I expected more fanfare and celebration.

I'm not going to lie. I expected a party. A cheering section for every win along this way. Sure, it's cute how I can list some of those things I can now check off of my to-do list, but those checkpoints required blood, sweat, and tears-- and more prayer than I can account for. And by in large, it has been more like a lonely, uphill battle rather than a cause for celebration.

I guess I thought I'd "arrive" somewhere and finally feel comfortable. BUT IT'S THE EXACT OPPOSITE. I feel more inadequate. I feel more uncomfortable. I feel more unprepared than ever!

I recently read two C.S. Lewis quotes that rocked my world, because that man (who died almost 50 years ago) knew how to better put into words that which I couldn't even articulate until after reading them: 

 
“We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."

“I didn’t go to religion to make me happy. I always knew a bottle of Port would do that. If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, I certainly don’t recommend Christianity.” 

That's just it. The Christian life is not meant to be comfy, safe, or painless. Rather, IT'S THE EXACT OPPOSITE.

Phew! Then, I must be doing something right. Haha!

But, really. The Cross was not comfy, safe, or painless. Not only Jesus go the way of the Cross, but so did many of the disciples. Many Christians are tortured and/or killed today because of their faith (i.e. Saeed Abedini). Puts things in perspective for sure.

I do know this for sure: I know I'm right where I'm supposed to be & some of the most uncomfortable, painful moments in my life have produced the most growth. 

My prayer is that I will continue to be faithful in all things, particularly as it pertains to this new endeavor (I feel like "job" is too small of a word to describe the colossal undertaking I've agreed to). Please join with me in praying for renewed physical and emotional strength to do this work with all my heart and soul. To run and to not grow weary or faint in doing what is right. More than anything, to live a life that I'm proud of, but not by of any of the world's standards of success. Rather, a life where I'm proud to stand before Jesus and say, "I did my best, man."

Much love to you all. 

- D