I sat down exactly a week ago to craft a blog spot about beauty. I couldn't quite find the words to express everything I was feeling at once, so I saved the draft and left the post unattended to. And in that one week, I felt that this topic kept coming up over and over and over again. So, naturally, I took it as a sign that I really did need to buckle down and write about it.
Every girl wants to be considered beautiful. Does she always feel that way? In my experience, no. Does our culture help her to feel beautiful? Um, also no.
Whether the pressure is external or self-imposed, the pressure is there. Our perceptions of beauty inform our lives in the littlest ways. Here's an example:
My friends were trying to encourage me to date and get a boyfriend (that is a whole other topic in it of itself-- the pressure to be a relationship is insane, especially in the Church.) Their argument was, "You're too pretty to be single."
Homie, say what?! My immediate internal reaction was, "And what the hell does that have to do with the price of tea and china?" Although well-intending, my friends were reinforcing their understandings of beauty. The notion that if you're "beautiful," then you're set. The hard part has already been done.
Although none of my friends would probably outwardly admit this presupposition that they have floating around in their subconscious, the fact reminds that their bias towards beauty persists.
It's simply not true. Beauty isn't some sort of "trump card" in life. You don't get to go past
"Go" and collect $200.
Besides, you can be the prettiest person on the outside and feel the ugliest on the inside. I've known a lot of girls who are so beautiful by our culture's definition and they have the most rotten souls. I don't say that out of hate or spite (at least not anymore). I actually feel sorry for them-- and not in a patronizing way either. It's a real sadness that comes from watching someone miss the point entirely.
Now, I'm no expert on self-esteem or self-confidence either, but I am a lot better from where I was. Self-deprecation? I can attest that it is also not pretty.
I think that girls/women, especially in the Church, vacillate between putting so much energy into being perfect and beautiful (hellooooo, Stepford Wives) and not having confidence in their God-given beauty. There has got to be a balance.
In addition to the recent Abercrombie and Fitch scandal, there has also been the Disney drama with rebranding Merida aaand the open letter addressed to Michelle Obama about Beyonce.
To be honest, that's a lot of shizz going on in one week. Dove's Real Beauty Campaign is on the other end of the spectrum. Although I think it would be easy to shed Dove in a heroic light, I hesitate to do so. Do I think they're doing great work? Abso-freaking-lutely.
My critique of Dove's campaign is that they tend to vilify the beauty industry. I don't think that doing that gets us anywhere either. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, and that includes traditional models too.
So what am I suggesting? What's the real solution here? Welp, if I had all of the answers, I'd have a talk show or something, but I don't. But what I do know is that we need to be in honest conversation with one another about this issue.
Let's get the ball rolling on this. Join in on the conversation and don't be afraid to examine your own presuppositions about beauty and the mindless things you say to people. Be kind to others and be kind to yourself. See the beauty in others (and yourself) and don't be afraid to speak into that. See people. I mean, really see them. See all of them, because they are not just the sum of their parts.
We can be the change we wish to see in the world. If you can dream, we can achieve it together. And as always, I hope that this encourages you. If you more ideas about how to enact change, feel free to email me at naserian77@msn.com or tweet me @deliaspeaks.
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