Quarter-Life Crisis

I used to not believe in quarter-life crises... that was until I had one.

Mind you, I thought I had skipped over having one. I am 25.66 years old (not to be exact or anything, haha!), after all. MUUUUUUCH too old to be having one of those. My logic was that if I was over halfway done with 25 than I was in the clear.

Nope. Not true. Not even close. Dude, I got hit bad.

I feel like many people perceive that I have my life together and that I know what I'm doing. It couldn't be further from the truth. To some, I seem to have achieved a certain level of success (aka a graduate degree). But to an OA (overachiever) like me, that's like pocket change. I've had visions of grandeur about what my life would look like at 25-- I'd be married and at a good place with my career.

I am neither married or super solid on what my career path is going to be.

Now, in recent years, I had adjusted my "life plan" to include a delay on the marriage thing. Rather than 25, I figured maybe 30 or 35. However, I figured dating someone would at least be something I'd like to be doing by now. 

I am going to put this plainly and I hope that I don't offend anyone-- this is raw, real, and this is Delia: I feel like God has been "cockblocking" me lately. I've talked to my closest friends about this, because I was feeling like God has been closing all kinds of doors that I have been trying to pry open.

Biggest example: I had *the* hugest crush on a guy. I mean huge... like break-you-heart-huge when you find out he's dating someone else. 

I wish I could say that my reaction was much different from this Vine video, but then I'd be lying. 

Naturally, I threw a spiritual temper tantrum. You know, the whole... God-let-me-just-go-on-a-date-any-date-will-do prayer. Ridiculousness. Long story short, I had a couple of guys who were interested in me but I wasn't interested in them following this tantrum. That changed my tune real quick. Okay, God. I didn't *really* want to date around. I really want what's God best is for me (including, but not limited to, when timing is right too). It's amazing how quickly our prayers change when we're faced with the "Yes, that's what I asked for but that's not what I meant" possibilities. I don't know about you, but if I've waited this long, I don't want to settle for second-best.

Now, back to the career thing... great things are happening right now. I'm interning with a nonprof working with human trafficking, creating a project, and networking like a crazy woman. It's great! There are opportunities that are popping (like online radio interviews and opportunities to meet CEOs, etc.). 

So why am I sulking? Money. If I'm honest, it comes down to that one thing. The other day, I heard God say-- in that ever-so-still-small-voice-- "Your security is in Me, not in money." Putting our trust in the provision, rather than in the Provider is just stupid. I might as well have busted out a golden calf and started worshiping it, because Moses was taking too long to get off the damn mountain.

Dang. I've been all kinds of messed up/crazy lately. And it's because I've had my priorities all wrong. I've been fixated on the wrong things. On the gifts, rather than on the Giver. 

I wish I could say that this blogspot ends with a boyfriend and an increased budget, but it doesn't, friends. And think that in God's wisdom, it shouldn't. Because I gotta get my priorities straight. I haven't given up hope that, in due time, God will give me the desires of my heart. Until that time though, I will continue to praise Him, rain or shine, in richness or in poorness. I'm learning to be content in all things and I hope that by the time 26 comes around, I'll be even more content then than I am today.